The V Treatment

Lend Me Your Kite, Jan 2016-0030

(Photo: Brenda Munoz Photography)

Have you guys seen this video floating around? It’s pretty funny, and also pretty spot on.

I’m not going to lie— after my first, it wasn’t that bad. I remember only one instance where I was doing star jumps in my living room and felt like I might pee myself a little.

But after a second baby, it’s a whole new playing field. Almost every single time I jump I find myself needing to pee. This can be incredibly problematic for someone who works out as much as I do.

Get down and give me 10 burpees! Then 20 jumping jacks!

Sorry lady, but all the kegels in the world can’t seem to make that happen for me.

It’s one of those things that we hate to talk about as women. It feels embarrassing and almost shameful— but why?

80% of us struggle with weak pelvic floor muscles after birth. HelloFlo knows that, which is why they created this hilariously accurate music video.

There’s got to be more to life than living in panty liners until you graduate to adult diapers though, right?

Right.

So, when I found out that my doctor friend started doing this new procedure called “The V-Treament” I was like:

Yep. Sign me up. I’ll take two, please!

Here’s the low down:

Have you ever seen how they use a blow dryer to heat up plastic and suction it to a gift basket?

That’s basically what happens here. The probe uses radio frequency energy to transfer heat to the vaginal region, which causes it to tighten.

If you’re afraid of being burned in the vajay by a probe, I was too. But I legitimately did not feel even the slightest bit of discomfort.

I actually forgot anything was even happening, because I was mostly just chatting about motherhood to the RN who performed the procedure. If you’re not the chatty type, you can toss in some headphones, or take a nap, or even work on your phone. Seriously, people do all sorts of things while getting the treatment done because it’s that easy going.

After my first treatment, I can honestly say I already notice a difference. I did burpees and for the first time in what feels like forever, I didn’t feel like I was going to pee my pants from it! That’s a major victory in my book.

People usually require 2-3 sessions to get optimal results, so I’ll definitely be returning and I’ll be sure to update you guys on the final results!

I’ve got no shame in my game, and you shouldn’t either. Is it embarrassing to get a treatment like this? Nope. Is it embarrassing to pee your pants on a run? Yep.

You can learn more about “The V Treament” and the doctors who perform it here. And if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a comment or message!

 

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A Lesson In Kindness

A Lesson In Kindness

(You can be our “Raise Them Kind” tee HERE)

There’s been a lot of pressure to come to this space and sort of explain myself in regards to the HuffPost article I wrote.

And by “a lot of pressure” I mean that I’ve had like two people tell me to. But I value those people’s opinions, so I’ve been having anxiety over it.

Writing that piece was one of the most controversial things I’ve ever done, right up there with calling a guy in my Sophmore math class an asshole—landing me in-house detention for the period.

I’m not much of a pot stirrer in my everyday life, but I do stand up for what I believe in and I believed in what I wrote. Should I and could I have been gentler in my approach? Absolutely. I see that now. I was trying to use wording that was captivating (because hi, I’m a writer) and theme appropriate. But for the people closely tied to my words, everything came off as an attack rather than a humorous take on a serious issue.

I found myself being called a hypocrite by some, and I thought it weird that standing up for others and myself was seen as that way. But then I thought about it again.

I had a woman approach this space to defend someone she loved who she felt was being bullied by me. Wasn’t that the same thing I had done in my article? She used choice words that weren’t always kind. I did too. And I couldn’t be mad at her. In fact, I related. All she wanted to do was defend her friend from a bully— me too.

But where does it end? When is it okay to fight back and when isn’t it? And who decides that? Everybody applauds a woman who speaks up and isn’t afraid to call people out— that is of course, unless it’s them or someone they know that are the victim of that call out.

And I say everyone, because I mean that. I would have done the same thing as this woman, had it been about someone I loved.

In the spirit of good writing, I allowed myself to detach from humanity a little bit. I allowed myself to stumble off the very pillar of motherhood that I pride myself on protecting. It’s not up to me to decide who needs a slap on the wrist and who doesn’t. And while I know my article helped to open the eyes of some who didn’t realize that they themselves, may be part of a bigger issue here in mommy wars— it also made some women feel bad about themselves, put them in a dark place over being publicly ostracized. To them, I am sorry. I’ve personally expressed that to them, but I feel that I need to say so publicly as well. There’s a difference between writing something that is going to bring on criticism and straight up hurting people’s feelings. This piece got hardly any criticism. But it did really hurt some people, and that’s where I seriously missed the mark.

Raise them kind, I say. Well, I  learned a new lesson in kindness and have been humbled by the reminder that “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”. – Martin Luther King Jr.

I burned a few bridges last week— may those flames light my way. May walking through the waters, refresh my soul. May I start again on land.

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Motherhood Sort of Steals Our Identities

Motherhood

For Mother’s Day, my Fit4Mom group in Long Beach that I am a part of decided to take candid shots of the moms and their babes to gift them with.

I don’t know much about photography, but I know enough to squeak by, and well— really my camera does all of the work. But I was asked to take the photos, so yesterday I met up with them after the workout and snapped away. I uploaded and edited them when I got the chance (read: after the kids went to bed) and decided that I wanted to go again today to take more photos for any of the moms who couldn’t make it yesterday.

While I went around to get shots of each mom, I watched as one sweet mom sort of cringed when she noticed my lense facing her. She bashfully told me that she hardly ever finds herself on that side of the camera because she just gets insecure.

I let her slide and moved on, but later, I came back and encouraged her to let me get a few shots.

Okay, I’m going to do it! I need to get over this fear. I don’t want my son to grow up with no confidence like his mother. 

This broke my heart. Not just because this woman is absolutely beautiful inside, and out, but because I knew exactly how she felt. I met her with an “I hear ya” and we agreed that it’s one of those things that are much easier to say than do. I went on.

Motherhood sort of steals our identities. 

She instantly lit up— one of those “Yes! Someone else feels it too!” kind of moments, and I wanted so badly to continue the conversation, but I had to go get Declan and we sort of just left it there. But I want to pick it up here, because I feel like this dialogue is so important.

Moms— do you feel like you lost the “who” behind “you”? So many of us embrace our new role with so much oomph, that we tend to forget about all of the wonderful things that make us amazing that have absolutely nothing to do with our kids.

Who am I, if not a mom? I mean, right? Do you even remember? Between the middle of the night cluster feedings, and the 2 hours of sleep you got, and the fourth day in a row of messy buns and yoga pants, it’s no wonder you no longer recognize yourself. This woman is surviving purely off of coffee and leftover food from her child’s plate— she looks nothing like the put together, “has time to make herself a five course meal and curl her hair” version you once were.

It’s a swamp, ladies. It’s a murky, icky, quicksandy swamp that we have to get ourselves out of. The longer you stay, the more you’re going to sink.

You were someone before you became a mom. You’re still her. Being a mom changed you— absolutely, of course it did. But it did not morph you into a completely different person. Your genetic makeup did not change. You are still you. And I know you love your children. I know your entire world revolves around them. But you have to fuel your fire. You have to fill your cup. 

It’s time to remember who you are. Knowing this, believe it or not, will help you to be an even better mom. Being able to show your children that you are a woman, not just a mom, will allow them to see themselves as people too, rather than just titles.

So, who are you?

Are you an athlete, or a painter, or a teacher? Do you like to read, or sew, or cook? Maybe you love jewlery or a great hair tutorial.

Do you. 

Make time for you. 

If you give yourself permission to rediscover yourself, you will find your confidence again. You will find your passion. And you will find that you are a phenomenal mom, and then some. 

Mother’s Day Giveaway

Mothers Day Giveaway

Being a mom is tough.

It’s rewarding, and fulfilling, and incredible— but hot-damn, it’s tough.

The reason things like coffee, wine, and dry shampoo are known as “mom essentials” is because we are universally in agreement that we are tired, stressed, and on our third day of not washing our hair.

But despite the things we have in common, we also have a lot of differences— and some of us have it easier than others. I’ve always considered myself as one of the people who had it a little harder because I’m raising a kid with a very dominant, hyperactive personality. And sure, that’s a challenge. But recently I was given a glimpse into the life of single moms and I’ve got to say— you ladies are incredible.

You do it all, literally. Cook, clean, work, feed the kids, and bathe them, and put them to bed, and and and. You do so much, mama— and I want you to know that I see you. I see you and I’m always in the background cheering you on. But I don’t want to just be your silent cheerleader. I want to do more. I want to show you just how special you really are.

And so I’ve got a really special Mother’s Day present for one special mama, but I need your help finding her. I’ll be on the search all week long. You can nominate yourself, or any single mama you know that you think deserves to be recognized for her hard work.

What’s the prize?

I’ve teamed up with the ever-so-talented Brenda of Brenda Munoz Photography to offer a mommy + me mini session to one lucky winner. I’ll also be giving you $50 to go buy yourself an outfit for the shoot, and I’ll be taking you to get a Blow Out beforehand. (Hanging out with me is just a bonus! Just kidding. But seriously, I’ll be there). I’ll also be giving the winner a shirt of her choice from my site! Let’s recap:

  • $50 to buy a new outfit
  • Blow out (Salon will be determined with the winner, for convenience)
  • LMYK shirt of choice
  • Mommy + Me mini session with Brenda Munoz Photography

Since we know that finding time for something like this can be difficult, Brenda is being super flexible to try and accommodate the winners schedule. We are doing this now so that mama can have her special mommy + me photos in time for Mother’s Day.

Rules:

– Must be 18 or older to enter.

– Must be able to do the photo session in Los Angeles County. (So they have to be able to get out this way if they don’t live here).

To Nominate: 

Comment in my Facebook thread, on this blog post, or if you want to be super sweet, post a photo of your mom friend on Instagram and tell us why they should win this package, using the hashtag #SweetSoloMama with your nominee. Remember, they must be able to do the shoot in LA county during the month of April.

Winner will be announced on Sunday, April 10th!

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5 Things To Do When You Wake Up In A Bad Mood

5 Things To Do When You Wake Up In A Bad Mood

Guys, I’ve been going through it.

Long story short, hubs was selected to be on a jury for a murder trial which has tacked on an additional 2 1/2 hours of solo time with two kids to my days. That might not sound like a lot, but 5:30 am to 5:30 pm with an almost threenager and an almost walking 8 month old is no easy feat.

Lack of sleep and almost no down time to recoup has cause me to wake up on the wrong side of the bed on more than one occasion recently. But when you’re a mom, you can’t let those things keep you in a mood all day, so I’ve come up with some sure fire ways to turn my frown upside down when I’ve got the morning blues.

Need a pick me up the moment you get up? Here’s 5 things to do when you wake up in a bad mood.

1. SHOWER

Don’t virtually look at me like “duh!” Truth is, we moms tend to put showers on the back burner of our to-do lists. When you’ve got little ones, it can feel almost impossible sometimes. But I encourage you to ignore the voice in your head telling you that you don’t have time,  that your four-day-old hair doesn’t smell that bad, and just go for it. Have you ever heard someone (outside of prison) say, “wow, I really regret that shower I just took.” — Nope. Because showers are amazing, and being doused in water and soap is the ultimate way to say, “screw you, bad mood! Me and this coconut scented body wash are in charge now.”

2. GET YOUR PLAYLIST GOING

If you don’t have a “cheer me up” playlist, go make one— like now. Fill it with classic 90s jams or catchy John Mayer songs or the Wiggles, if that’s what gets you smiling. I like to play mine through the speaker we have so that it resonates throughout the whole room and gets the kids involved and dancing with me. Let yourself ugly dance to some Beyoncé and I guarantee you’ll have a better day.

3. CROCKPOT DINNER

Nothing gives you a false sense of accomplishment like throwing a bunch of shit in a pot and watching it magically turn into a meal 4-6 hours later. Being able to cross dinner off of your checklist at 9am is the ultimate boss feeling, and a sure fire way to help turn your mood around.

4. GET OUTSIDE

There’s a reason that sunshine represents happiness in almost every song, and that’s because being outdoors feel good. If I wake up in a bad mood, I get outside as soon as possible. Being in the fresh air allows me to regroup, remember that the world is so much bigger than whatever I’m grumpy about, and move past it.

5. EXERCISE

You know what Elle Woods says: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.”

And while you may not agree with her over obsession with pink or her paw-lictics (Legally Blonde 2 pun, anyone?) girlfriend is dead on about this one. You know when you hear people say that working out is their drug? And we all kind of roll our eyes at them and say, “nobody likes working out.” Well as it turns out, they may be telling the truth after all. Endorphins are a chemical that is released during exercise, which gives off a positive feeling in the body that is similar to morphine. Yep— drugs. And since we can probably all agree that exercise is a better idea than breaking a limb in order to get the special morphine button at the hospital,  I’d say this natural high is total go for cheering you up. Snaps for endorphins.


 

So there you have it. Next time you wake up on the crotchety side of the bed, try one (or all) of these things and I guarantee you’ll see you’re mood and your day turn around!

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My Mommy Friendship Dating Profile

I was stopped at a red light when I saw it— there, directly in front of me was a white SUV with a license plate that read:

A BOMMOM

Immediately I knew that this mom was indeed bomb and I was like, “damn. I want to be friends with her!”

But stalking someone to their destination, getting out of your vehicle, approaching their car before they have a chance to not notice you, and asking them to coffee isn’t exactly how you land friends these days, so I continued on my way.

Have you ever had a conversation with a woman in the baby aisle at Target and thought, “I bet we could totally be best friends”, but instead of moving the conversation into something that would warrant a number exchange you just stop talking and go your separate ways?

I have this weird aura about me that seems to attract both young children and older adults, so I frequently find myself building blocks with four years olds I just met and having in-depth conversations with the old lady in line at the pharmacy in front of me.

So I really wasn’t surprised when I was at a park full of young parents a few weeks back and a 65 year old grandmother of two started chatting me up. She talked about how she stayed home with her children like me, but that she remembers how lonely it was. Then she gave me her phone number (her house phone— in case you were wondering if people still had those or not), and said, “it isn’t easy and you don’t have to do it alone.”

I was in awe of her.

And then I wondered why it wasn’t that easy for all of us to reach out and say, “hey, let’s be friends. I want to be here for you.”

Of course, I quickly remembered why we don’t. And that’s because it’s awkward as hell trying to make friends.

It’s like dating.

Once you make it past the initial hurdle of meeting— be it at a coffee shop, workout class, or grocery store— you then try and play it cool because you don’t want to come on too strong. It’s like, you have to wait a few days before you text back because you don’t want to come off as needy. Only you don’t text at all because your dumb ass never even bothered to try exchanging numbers.

How do you take that leap? How do you dive in and risk the friendjection? (see what I did there?)

I’ve decided that I’m going to just lay all of my cards out the table.

So here is my friendship dating profile.

okfriendship

 

About Me:

– I have two kids, which means I have mastered the art of informal communication (aka, don’t expect eye contact from me when we talk because one of the kids is always doing something they aren’t supposed to, which means I must keep eyes on them at all times. Unless of course, you wanted them to break that family heirloom you forgot to put away because your kid isn’t a menance like mine, so you dont have to worry about things like broken memories).

– I drink coffee until it is socially acceptable to drink wine.

– I eat my food while it’s still scolding, because I am both impatient and chronically hangry.

– I’ve created my own form of dancercise that involves doing the toostie roll with jogging arms. The more ridiculous you look, the more calories you burn. My kids love it, but they also love The Wiggles, so the bar isn’t set very high in our house.

– I like to sleep, go pee by myself, and wear real pants.

– I never sleep, go pee by myself, or wear real pants.

My Super Power:

I’ve been cursed with the ability to break up celebrity couples, Everytime I say outloud that I like one, they get divorced (Eg. Blake/Miranda, Jen/Ben, Kermit/Piggy) I’d like to apologize in advance to Chrissy Teigen and John Legend for their impending demise.

What I’m Listening To:

Little Bunny Foo Foo by Some asshole who thought kids would consider being turned into a mythical creature a bad thing. (read: My kid WANTS to turn into a goon)

We may be a match if:

  • You like wine
  • You drink wine
  • You are wine

Do not contact if:

Your kid hates the swings. I won’t stand for that shit.


 

So there you have it, potential friends. Swipe right, check our match percentage, leave a message after the tone.

When you show up to my house unannounced I promise to have a cold pot of coffee for you and an array of toys on the floor for your toe-stubbing convenience.

Can’t wait to see who’s shirt has more spit up, mac n cheese, and toddler boogers on it!

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